I'm so confused. I feel like I am just no good and at anything anymore. I want to be the best and I'm not passing average on any subject (not literally, my schoolwork is okay... I think). I can't talk, I can't walk, I can't stop embarrassing the shit out of myself, and I just don't know my right from my left (literally and figuratively). I was always the artistic one and I have been stripped of my art. I still don't think I belong at art school, but sometimes I wonder. I just want to be good at something again. I want to impress someone which I swear I have only disappointed for the past year. It's really starting to get to me. I feel so shallow, like I have not accomplished anything. The only other thing that used to make me feel accomplished was my academics, but I am not inspired. I used to be so motivated. I feel like I've been saying I used to be so motivated for much too long for it to be true anymore. Maybe my period of motivation was a fluke and I'm really just a lazy asshole who is bound to be a useless bitter being.
That was overly dramatic.
Whatever,
I decided to revisit my blog. I haven't written in it because I actually have been busy with my school work, my radio show, and I made a few friends. Still cannot make a female friend, but I guess I should be happy with any friends at all- then again that pisses me off so much. I feel like I have to work to make friends and I have to put myself out there, make the effort, you know, yet I hardly see any friendly gestures put out towards me. Which totally makes me hate everyone for leaving me out. If life was a game of musical chairs I wouldn't have even been invited to play.
That was also totally dramatic.
Whatever.
So what would be most appropriate for dramatic outcasts like me?
Amanda Palmer.
Amanda Palmer of The Dresden Dolls is one of kind. She is a quirky, gutsy, creative, brilliant artist- performance and musical.
I was able to see the Dresden Dolls live way back in the eighth grade. I can't remember too much of the show to be honest, but I can remember having a great time. I do remember the TLA filled with live art, people posing everywhere and the bathrooms had roses and rose petals scattered. It was pretty amazing. One of the things I really remembered about the show was a guy preaching to everyone in line. Telling us the devil's music was behind those doors and such. He was preaching his bible to the wrong crowd. There were a lot of gay/lesbian/bisexual supporters who immediately fought back. They were debating about the bible for a half an hour at least. It was the most fascinating thing for me as a teen.
The Dresden Dolls broke up after two flawless albums and Amanda went solo putting out Who Killed Amanda Palmer
She also is involved with a pretty cool side project with Jason Webley called Evelyn and Evelyn
She recently put out a song called Map of Tasmania about girls shaving...down there. She's a feminist to say the least and I love that about her, but I wasn't a huge fan of the song and the video is absolutely ridiculous. Lots of bush. Tons of bush.
Watch out for Amanda Palmer. I sure hope she gains the popularity she deserves.
